


Swallowed Water・飲み込んだ水

by machigaiko



Category: Mao Mao: Heroes of Pure Heart (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Big sads, Hurt/Comfort, hhhh, i guess, idk i just wanted to project my anxiety onto mao mao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:35:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27116188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/machigaiko/pseuds/machigaiko
Summary: "It burned. My lungs, my eyes, my head. The swirling of the river water was pounding against it, the pressure hurting my ears. The familiar feeling of training- specifically lung capacity. The pain that the water and suffocation was causing was one thing, but the plain fear and stress I was under every time me and my dad would go outside towards the river was just another boulder for my to haul on my tiny shoulders."Mao Mao suffers from an aquaphobia of sorts from past experiences and Badgerclops teaches him to stop running away from his problems.
Relationships: Mao Mao Mao & Badgerclops
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	Swallowed Water・飲み込んだ水

**Author's Note:**

> I don't have much to say on this, just a projection of some of my anxiety onto Mao Mao. Also I started this like last year and had a huge one year break until finishing it. Good for me.

It burned. My lungs, my eyes, my head. The swirling of the river water was pounding against it, the pressure hurting my ears. The familiar feeling of training- specifically lung capacity. The pain that the water and suffocation was causing was one thing, but the plain fear and stress I was under every time me and my dad would go outside towards the river was just another boulder for my to haul on my tiny shoulders.

It hurt enough to know that dad doesn't think I'm good enough as my sisters, and that the whole situation "just happened by circumstance". I'm not able to be anything like them, but proving it right by being in pain and struggling this much on something that is supposed to be easy! All I can do is try my absolute best to work hard and be just like them- my lungs started stinging.

I had ended up breathing in some of the water in some kind of effort for air. It all went downhill from there. I tried to push my head up, but dad's hand was still on top of my head. Had I not beat how long I was underwater before?! Soon realizing that it was useless, I opened my eyes, just to get a blurry view of the bubbles flowing around my head and out of my mouth. I coughed and spluttered and started getting extremely exhausted from all the straining my body was doing to get some air.

Despite my exhaustion I kept flailing hoping my dad would get the message that I couldn't do it anymore. My consciousness was rapidly starting to slip away as the bubbles started getting in my face again as I coughed more. It all burned and stung, it was hurting so much- not to mention the fact that I was terrified. The intensity was getting worse and my dad's grip was only getting harder...

My eyes shot open, rapidly moving around to get my bearings. Turning to look at the clock, it read 5:27. The sun would be coming up soon, no time to sleep now. Unwrapping myself from my cape burrito, I softly got up so I don't wake up Badgerclops or Adorabat. I make my way downstairs as I try to take deep breaths to calm myself down, to tell myself that I'm not underwater and that I can breath. I went to get a cup of water to calm myself down. As I poured the water in and brought it up to my face to take a sip, a small sensation of suffocation came crawling back into my throat and lungs.

I put the cup down, assuring myself that I would come back to drink it when the dream wasn't stuck in my head. The dreams were fairly frequent, happening every 1-2 weeks, constantly reminding me of how I trained when I was much younger. How foolish. Thinking that gaining lung capacity and nothing else would help me accomplish anything. I made my way towards the front door, opening it, the stunning view of the Crystal Heart made its way back into my sight again. I decided to stretch my legs and take a little stroll into the area outside of the Crystal Heart and watch the sun come up.

It felt nice to walk around and really enjoy the scenery, I didn't do it too often considering most of the time I'm out either fighting monsters, dealing with the Sweetiepies' petty situations, or hanging out at HQ. As I approached a certain point though, my ears caught the sound of rushing water, the familiar slapping of the water against the rocks and ground. It was normal to hear it, in fact every time I was to ride my Areocycle we would go crashing through a waterfall of water... but I guess that's a little different since I have a helmet on to separate me from the gushing water.

I continued down my little walk towards the sound of the water. I didn't know why I was so eager to go to the water. I didn't have much else to do so I just continued towards the water without a second thought. Back paws padding against the long, soft grass, the pattering of the rushing water got louder and louder. The sound was now in front of me. Right in front of me. There was the river. Why did I come here? What did I have to do here? I have to go back and be there for Badgerclops and Adorabat- oh yeah Adorabat is on a field trip with the other Sweetiepies.

I sat down and looked at my reflection. This is what I've turned into, huh? This. This. This small pathetic being. Monsters attacking Pure Heart Valley was defeated by this. No. It was Badgerclops. Badgerclops and Adorabat. I was never be able to do things alone. There was Bao Bao and then there was Badgerclops and then there was Adorabat. What kind of legendary hero has to depend on others to fight a single threat?

Tears stung at the back of my eyes, choking me with bottled up feelings. I felt like throwing up. I felt like throwing up and crying a million times but I couldn't bring myself to do either of those even once. The world was twisting and morphing into an unknown area that was swallowing me whole, smothering me into a dark abyss when I felt something big rest on my shoulder.

I sprang backwards in surprise and at the point of realization it was too late and my body was engulfed in icy waters, ripping the breath out of my lungs. I splashed around for a moment by instinct but then froze, hoping that I would float to the top. If I didn't then... well... I would just die here. As I stayed still I felt my cape getting caught on something which hauled me up, another huge claw grabbing my torso. Once I reached it a fair amount above the surface of the water I started coughing and hacking up my own stomach acid, which soon reached up out of my throat and erupted out of my mouth as I gasped for air through my burning throat. It was all to familiar. I didn't want it to feel familiar anymore.

I slumped forward, not aware of the situation I was in. Before I fell a sleep from exhaustion my ears caught a muffled, "Mao Mao...?" My eyes slid open again as I tried lifting my head up a little to see who it was. I knew who it was. I could recognize that voice anywhere, but I guess I wanted to see him to reassure myself that he was there and I wasn't just hearing things. Once I came up to see just below his nose my neck got soar and I let my neck hang again.

"Dude, you okay? What are you doing all the way out here?" Badgerclops said worriedly. I couldn't respond. I mean, what could I even say? Oh I was bored, so I walked all the way out here and had a panic attack. Or Oh I don't know, I just woke up from a nightmare so I went on a walk and almost drowned. Even if I were to tell the truth, there would be no way to explain everything just right then and there. So I just lowered my head. Badgerclops seemed to get the message that I wasn't in the mood to talk so he swiped a huge arm under my legs and an arm under my head, and carried me like a baby. I would object if I weren't so tired and could talk without hurting my throat, but since I couldn't I just layed there and dozed off.

\----------------------------------------------

My eyes cracked open, the surrounding light blinding me as beams of light shined through my eyelids. My throat was still aching from the water before I fell unconscious. As I tried to get my eyes adjusted to the light, I noticed a lump moving around the room. I squirmed as my the rest of my body started waking up and my eyes started clearing. The lump started clearing into the oh-so familiar shape of Badgerclops walking around. I poked my head up over the back of the sofa to see what Badgerclops was doing. As I watched he turned around, noticing the bright green eyes staring at him.

"Oh, Mao Mao! You're awake!" Badgerclops said as he walked towards the sofa and sat down. I didn't know what to say so I just left is with a small "Mhm."

"So... you going to tell me what that was all about?" I curled myself up and looked away. It was embarrassing, Badgerclops didn't need to know about it. What kind of hero is scared of some water because of training? Some stupid thing to be scared of! We all need it to live! And what if someone needs help in the water? Are you just going to sit there and put it off as you can't do it because your training made you weaker?!

I was getting angry at myself, I knew that though. What I didn't know was that I started hyperventilating from my anger towards myself. I usually did it when I was alone so I didn't realize what was so bad about hyperventilating right now until I felt a big paw on my shoulder, again. I turned my head just enough to be able to see a bit of Badgerclop's face.

"Dude, are you okay? Do you have something you need to talk about? I don't want to pressure you into talking about it but if it's something serious you need to talk to someone about it." I felt guilty. It felt terrible to keep my feelings away from Badgerclops, but it was for the better. If I told him he would see me as weaker and start treating me as if I can't take care of myself.

"It's nothing." I just muttered, looking back the opposite way of Badgerclops. I got up as Badgerclops sighed and started to try to convince me to talk again. I just started walking towards the front door to take another walk. I was never able to finish my last one. Putting my hand on the door, Badgerclops said in a more angry and desperate tone, "You can't keep running away from all of your problems!" I flinched, that's not what I was doing, right? "I don't run away from all my problems!" I growled back. "Then tell me one time you really faced one of your problems head on." After trying to recall a time that could be used as an example, I swiveled around and open the door, running out. I didn't have time for this.

My stomach felt sick and my throat felt like it was closing on me. He was right, I was running away from my problems. I am running away from Badgerclops right now. I didn't know where I was going, nor where I wanted to go, so I just kept running until I felt like I was far enough. I slipped my katana out and started slicing trees in half, getting more intense the more trees I cut up. I wanted to scream, to yell out to the brightening sky, but it would only draw more attention if I screamed like that, so I held the scream in and just kept slicing trees.

After a minute or two, I collapsed onto the floor and just stared. I didn't know what to do at this point, since I was too worn out to cut more trees, but I didn't feel like going back and facing Badgerclops again. So I just sat there, staring at the grass and the chunks of bark lying in front of me. I faintly heard some footsteps in the distance, and someone yelling for something. I already knew who it was, I didn't need to guess and wait longer, I already knew. But I didn't feel like running away anymore. I was humiliated, but at this point I was just delaying the inevitable, so I decided that I would just get over it.

The footsteps got more clear and louder, the voice getting clearer. Soon enough the bushes behind me rustled as Badgerclops emerged from the leaves. I couldn't seem him, but I knew he was there. I knew how he was looking at me. Disappointed. Pitifully. I didn't want to think about it but I had to face it. 

"Hey, Mao Mao? I'm sor-" 

I swiveled my head around to face him. Is he serious? Blaming himself?! For what?! He didn't do anything wrong! I was in the wrong what is he talking about?!

"No. It was me." Badgerclops looked at me and walked over cautiously and sat down. I looked down at my gloved hands, worn and dirty from all the slashing.

"I... guess I have some explaining to do." I started, my voice feeling weak and scratchy against the back of my throat. Badgerclops continued to sit and listen patiently. It was somewhat comforting, but the idea of spilling everything felt like a painful weight against my chest, but it had to come out. "I guess I should start from the beginning... so when I was a lot younger, my father would take me out for... training." I muttered "training" with a grimace. It was much less of training and much more of simple torture looking back at it now. Oh how foolish I once was. 

"The training was basically just dipping my head in the river near our house and testing everyday to see how long I could hold my breath for. If I hadn't beaten my record last time, then he would keep his hand on my head until I did." I could feel my voice dying out and crackling from the pain behind the confession.

"Mao Mao..." Badgerclops started. His voice seemed like it was just to reassure me to keep talking and to show that had his sympathy so I took the time to continue. "So, every time I see or hear something sounding like a river, I just start thinking back to those days. And I get some nightmares about them." I whispered the last part, deeming it unimportant and that Badgerclops didn't have to know but the badger heard anyways.

"Dude... you shouldn't have to think that that is something to hide from me. It's not bad to think like that, especially not after what happened. These kind of things happens to people, and I'll be there for them... I'll be there for you." Badgerclops said reassuringly. I looked up at him, noticing his softened expression matching his voice. "If you have any nightmares or any thoughts, then feel free to come to me about it any time! Well- almost any time." His words started feeling like they were lifting the weight on my chest and raising it up into the air, my throat started closing in even more from all the overwhelming emotions.

All the emotions bottled up, running away from the chances to release all the anger suddenly came spilling over as tears rolled down my cheeks and wails started escaping my mouth. I hugged the huge badger as I was lifted onto his lap and hugged close. It was a comfortable close. Warm. Cozy. My feelings boiling up inside and the steam letting itself free after all the times of pushing the sensations down farther into my gut. It was all bubbling over. And it was exhausting but somewhat freeing as Badgerclops continued to hug me and mutter sweet nothings into my ear.

After what felt like hours of crying, I felt my tears drying up and my wails dying down into small sniffles and hiccups. The weight of the situation disappearing, leaving my body exhausted and tired from all the straining from before. My eyes started drooping as I leaned into Badgerclop's chest and let the sweet embrace of a welcoming sleep overtake me.


End file.
